“Okay children, today in class we are going to make a Father’s Day card!” Year after year. What does a child without a father do with a Father’s Day card?
My mother was a single mom. I have no recollection of meeting my father, since I was only about one year old when my mom introduced me to him. My mom was fiercely protective of any knowledge she had of my father growing up. She was fearful of losing me to him, even though he made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with me. Even going as far as pushing for and funding an abortion. I’ve never seen a picture, know nothing of his heritage or medical history.
Oddly, the only reason I even know my father’s name is because of the Catholic Church. When I was around 10 years old I decided to be baptized and have my first communion at St. Anne’s. I remember being in bed, gazing up at my corkboard, looking at my baptism certificate, which had the names of both of my parents on it: the ellusive name: William Landry. Interestingly enough, not even my birth certificate has my father’s name on it. It simply reads “N/A.”
My mom lived with the same man for nine years. He was never a father figure to me, but one year I decided to give him the Father’s Day card I made at school. I remember thinking that it didn’t feel right, but what else was I to do with the card? I fiercely wanted a dad, but my mom’s boyfriend was not meant to fill that role.
I didn’t know it at the time, but as a teenager I tried to fill that empty space my father left with the affections of boys and young men. Time and time again I learned that the filling was only temporary and I was left with an even more shattered heart.
Most fortunately, my grandparents and I were very close. My grandmother was my best friend, so when she died from pancreatic cancer when I was 12, I was devastated. My grandfather stepped up to fill the grandparent role alone, and he and I were very close. He was always my biggest cheerleader. He made sure I received a car at age 16, which I affectionately named, “Myrtle.” Far from fancy, still, she was my ticket to my much desired freedom.
He walked arm and arm with me as I was presented as Queen of Courts in high school, he was thrilled when I was the first in my family to attend a University, he was eager to support my overseas experience in Italy and Europe for nine months, he walked me down the aisle at my wedding, and shared the father-daughter dance with me at our wedding reception. He was overjoyed to be a great-grandfather to Hailey and Noah. He was a veteran of WWII and a true pioneer, dying too young himself, towards the end of building an all solar-powered home in Nevada.
He loved me deeply. I miss him dearly.
All these years later, I still have not met my father.
The greatest healing that took place in my heart around the issues of abandonment and fatherhood was at 19 when I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I began to learn that God is my true and intended Father. I’ve now know that God is my Heavenly Father, able to provide abundantly for my every need and to fill the empty spaces my biological father left behind. My favorite song is “Good, Good Father” which sings of how loved we are by God. I don’t know where I would be today had I not received the incredible healing that comes by knowing God in a personal way.
I’m so blessed that God has given me a wonderful father to my children. My kids are crazy about their dad; he is so involved in their activities and works his tail off to provide a beautiful life for them. They also have a loving and doting grandfather. He loves nothing more than cheering them on in whatever they are partaking.
We were actually married on Father’s Day. That is how God works: making beauty out of ashes. When I danced with Tony’s dad at our wedding, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, I’ll never forget him saying, “I can’t think of a better Father’s Day gift than to gain another daughter.” So, today, I celebrate the two of them, along with the sweet memory of my grandfather, and the many blessings they bring, and have brought, to my life and the lives of my children. They are re-writing the story, giving my kids everything I ever wanted.
So today, if you have your Dad with you, hold him a little tighter, talk a little longer, tell him how thankful you are for him and why. Men, be the Daddy that your kids need you to be. Do everything you can to show them unconditional love, but because you will never do it perfectly, direct them to the Heavenly Father, who alone can fill our greatest longing.
