Even though I worked for a non profit benefitting teens and parents for 17 years, and listen to a ton of parent education on my own, I still struggle sometimes to know what the heck I’m doing as a parent. They are always throwing curve balls at me and I’m like, “Wait, what? How do I deal with this?”
I’ve told the kids, “I’ve never parented a teenager before so….I’m just trying to figure this out.”
I am going through an excellent book, “Boundaries with Teens” by Dr. John Townsend, with some fellow moms of teens and it is really good. I find myself underlining almost every word. Does that ever happen to you??
I thought I would share a couple take aways from the book so far (I’m only 1/3 of the way through):
- You must live what you are teaching your teen
- For the sake of your teen, remember your own adolescence
- Parents sometimes judge teens too harshly for behaving like a teenager
- The more teens experience the negative consequences of poor choices, the more internal structure and self control they will develop
- Your teen needs you to be connected with other adults in meaningful relationships
- Adolescents get angry a lot. They live in protest mode, so it is second nature for them to get mad at everything in the world, especially their parents
- Your teen doesn’t need two crazy parents (lol). Kids do best when their parents stand together
- A healthy adolescent can still make mistakes and have problems. Remember this, or you will go nuts
- Do your best to be a safe place for your adolescent to return to when he/she feels insecure or fails, and offer plenty of patience, love and guidance
- Teens are impulsive, self-centered and irrational (really??)
- Teen brains “don’t think right thoughts.” It just can’t. Your teen needs your brain to help him
- You will need to accept that the world is more interesting to your teen than you are
- The final goal of parenting is to equip your child with a toolbox of abilities and capabilities that will enable him/her to meet life’s demands successfully
And finally, my favorite quote from the book, to help me empathize with my teenagers is:
“Adolescence can be the cruelest place on Earth. It can really be heartless.” –Tori Amos
So parents of teens….I’m telling myself to hang in there, and I’m encouraging you to do the same!!
